I hope you never read this
That you don't become interested in me the way I wanted
That you never unearth the curiosity I was so slow to believe you lacked
That you don't look for answers about how we were different and what went wrong, and what was never right

I hope you never read this
That the arms you found don't leave you wanting
That you sleep without asking yourself what if
That you don't look for answers about how we were different and how we were wrong, and how I try to live with that

I hope my hope dies, that someone will read this
That someone out there wants to know me
That someone out there wants me to know them
That I can love, or love without pushing away, or push away strongly enough to learn to be alone

All I have left is this hope
Aching and empty
Knotting my stomach like the butterflies I felt once
And again
And not since